Rambling around in the Golden State

Fog feeling like lifting

Last campsite in Mexico outside of Tecate

Breaking the law

Moon waiting to shine, last camp in Mexico

The $4,100,000,000 border wall in Tecate, taken from Tecate on the Mexico side

Road signs of a post-car military state future, Camp Pendleton

I was observed in this pleasant Orange County neighborhood

I was not observed sleeping on this Orange County beach at moonset/sunrise

The first question they asked was, "are you lost?" I guess two years of wandering around with limited aims gives me a dimness of appearance and the moment that I finally set foot in my own country, I must appear perpetually "lost". But aren't we all? Does anyone really know what they want or where they are for that matter? Yes, I am in a border station at a little used border with nothing on the other side in San Diego County. Yes, actually, I am very lost. Anyway, here's my passport, don't even look at the passport cover that says "Uzbekistan: Citizen's Passport" and let me right in. That's what happened in Tecate as I crossed the border through the oh so intimidating border fence. Seeing the fence was sad. It's a pathetic flimsy thing, with holes in it and horizontal ridges for hand and foot holds. Easily climbed, it seems like more of a symbolic divide than any practical border security device. On the Mexican side are lots of ads for car dealerships or supermarkets. On the US side there's nothing.

Then I was in San Diego County. There was the border security building with a Payless Shoe Source and a Payless Kids along with some loans offices and credit card offers all in Spanish. After descending through beautiful mountains east of San Diego I rode clean through the city and north along the coast to Encinitas, where I stayed with the friendly Art Minas. I spent two nights in Encinitas, and spent lots of money on IPA and cheeseburgers with bacon. There I rested, and watched surfers ripping it up, and if anyone can tell me why the board doesn't sink when they stand on the nose, that would be great. Then I left for a big traverse of the Camp Pendleton Marine Base and Orange County.

Camp Pendleton was a dream. There's a long section of highway (101) that they closed to cars after a new, bigger highway (5) was built. So now it's a four-lane bike highway with signs everywhere saying "tank crossing" and cool stuff like that. The whole ride is through beautiful hills and coast. It pops you out right in San Clemente, Orange County.

In Orange County I got my first "FUCKING IDIOT!!!" yelled at me from a Ford F-150 as I was riding in the bike lane through downtown Laguna Beach. I laughed and signalled a thumbs up. Finding camping in Orange County was a lesson in people not being reasonable. At first I tried to camp at Crystal Cove State Park. I pulled up to the kiosk and mentioned I'd like to camp:

-Did you want a walk-in site or a beachfront site?

-Umm, are the prices the same?

-The walk-in sites are $25 and the beach sites have full hook-ups and are $50.

I mentioned I was on a bike and didn't have anything to hook up, was it still $25 for the cheapest site?

-Oh. Yeah.

I kept riding. I can't remember the last time I paid $25 for accommodation, and to pitch a tent? Where are we, Laguna Beach or something? There were two more campsites within riding distance for the day, at Huntington Beach then a little further at Bolsa Chica State Park. At Huntington Beach I went to the kiosk and mentioned I'd like to camp:

-Sorry, you can only camp here if you're camping in an RV.

So I kept riding, continuing to Bolsa Chica State Park, and pulled up the kiosk and mentioned I'd like to camp:

-Sorry, you can only camp here if you're camping in an RV.

-But, it says here on the state park guide that there are campsites here!

-Nope, only for RVs, there's bike-in camping in Malibu...

-But that's a 7 hour ride from here! Can't I just put up my tent somewhere? All I need is a small space for it. I'm leaving at dawn, I'm just passing through and won't come here again unless I've got an RV.

-Sorry, you can't camp here unless you're in an RV.

This continued for a while, the sun was getting lower and lower and I was at the end of my energy. I asked if I could just pitch my tent in the park headquarters, or on the beach. They hid behind the steel curtain of liability, and said there was a big beach a few minutes' ride north in Sunset Beach which they didn't usually patrol. I could probably get away with illegally camping there for the night if I got out early enough. I said that sounded fine, but instead of sneaking around I'd much prefer to camp with their permission at their beach, but they were having none of this. They said if something happened to me while camped on State Park property they'd be liable. I didn't bring up the fact the this state employee had counseled me to illegally camp somewhere else, so what if something happened to me there? Wouldn't she still be liable? I'll let the law buffs sort that one out, but this is what I did in the end. Actually, I turned to the strategy of first going to a cafe and hoping to meet locals who could provide a space for a tent, but the people at Woody's Diner in Sunset Beach were engrossed in one of the stupidest conversations I've ever heard: The waitress was complaining about how she had worked at this crappy diner for 4.5 years and she still didn't get seniority over less-tenured employees because her junior coworkers had children and got flexible hours which allowed them to raise their children. Well, she protested, I have the same problem! I have two dogs that are really expensive and take a lot of time and attention! They're the same as children, so I shouldn't have to take the shitty hours that these girls don't want just because they have kids! I pointed my wheels west, and rode to the beach, where I had a restless illegal sleep under the bright full moon. Every time I woke up with the strong moon in my eyes I thought it was a searchlight waiting to throw me in the Orange County vagrancy ward. Luckily and perhaps due to my incredible skill at sneaky sleeping, this didn't happen and I woke up and ate my cereal and rode off to Los Angeles.

This is where I am now. I am staying with family friends in a house I have stayed in plenty of times before, having come down here every summer in my childhood. The familiarity is warm and refreshing. Los Angeles is a much more pleasant city than I had remembered. Riding through it from Long Beach to the middle was a breeze. I followed the LA River/shopping cart cemetery until it ended, then wide, bike-friendly streets the rest of the way. The city is full of palm, lemon, and fig trees and the air is clean. I even took the metro, which was incredibly convenient and cost $1.50!

So there you go. America! What a place. Paranoia (see photos of neighborhood watch, see border wall), diversity, and the NFL draft (see 49ers defense). Cheeseburgers with bacon! From here I'll cruise up through Malibu and Zuma Beach, and other legendary Southern California places that have had TV shows based on their lifestyles. Then I'll be home, I'll find a job, get married, have kids and live a happy life with a mortgage, guns, and health insurance. Back in the USA!

Sentenced to Headwinds and Nostalgia in Baja California

I made it through Baja California. I took these pictures all from campsites, except the one of me riding. That was taken from the road. The stretch from Mulegé to Ensenada was mostly desert, with a small oasis town in the middle. That's the one with the palm tree and the river.

From Mulegé I spent ten days straight riding through the deserts and salt flats here. Every day I had a nasty headwind that started usually around 8:00am and finished around midnight. It seemed like no matter which direction I turned, the wind was blowing in my face. Even during a climb where the road snaked around and I was actually heading southeast, the wind somehow managed to eddy and cyclone around in the mountain's elbow and slam me in the face. I woke up before dawn every day, just so I could get the two hours' riding before 8 when things were calm, and I would think, "maybe they won't blow today," but everyd day I was slammed.

So I am happy to be here in Ensenada, a day's ride from the border. I am a wreck. I nearly cried yesterday on my way in (maybe I did) thinking that once I cross the border, I'm really on my way home. No more tortas, no more elotes, no more licuados, no more pesos, no more Spanish. At some moments I'm excited to be seeing familiar faces and people that I love, and the next moments I have an empty stomach, feel weak, and am terrified of returning to the United States. It's hard thinking that my Spanish is as good as it will ever be, and I hope this is not the case. I guess that's up to me.

In Ensenada I have tried to do for the last times the things I have really enjoyed in Mexico. I got a haircut and a shave this afternoon. I've now had five haircuts in the past two years at real barbershops, and every time I get a cut I get a shave. It all started in Azerbaijan, and it has become somewhat of a thing to do in a foreign city with not much else to do. Generally they've been the same. In Azerbaijan the guy refused payment until I insisted. In China I was offered hooch and cigarettes to share with the barber after he had finished. The haircut I got today lasted about an hour and a half and included two sessions of about five minutes each where the barber put a hot towel to my face, covering my entire face up to the tip of my nose. She also put two treatments of shaving cream on, after having washed off the first with the hot towel. I bought a wallet, a tire, and gas for my stove, these all being cheaper here than in the US. I've had four orders of tacos and two tortas in the last 12 hours, which is about twice as I normally eat. I just can't bare to pass a fine looking taco stand and leave it untouched. I might be back, but then I might not. Mexico seems so close, but then again everything seems close when you're there. I remember Jaco and I discussing whether or not we should hurry into China because they were closing the border. This meant that we would miss out on the three weeks in Kyrgyzstan we had planned. We ultimately did go straight to China, and in the end we decided that Kyrgyzstan wasn't that difficult to get to. This was around the same time that we would look at globes and remark that we were exactly 180° around the world from Berkeley, or basically as far away as we could possibly be.

I haven't read this over, and I'm not going to. As I said, I'm a wreck, sorry for the lack of photos, my camera ran out of batteries about three days from Ensenada. This is a shame, because for the first time this trip someone actually asked me to take a picture of him. His name was Roberto Alvarez, and he writes songs and sells mole oaxaqueña and carnitas about 30km south of Ensenada on the side of the road. He used to live in the US, in California, going to high-end seafood restaurants and teaching their staff how to cook seafood. That is until he got sick of being treated like a second class citizen (actually, his word was slave) and came back to Mexico. We played music together for an hour. This is Mexico on a bicycle, and I highly recommend it.

Knife Find and the Dangers of Cortez

There is a town in Western China that is famous for its knives. It's on the legendary Southern Tier of the Silk Road, which sounds 1000 times more glamorous than it is. Passing through Yengisar on a bicycle it is impossible not to stop at a knifery, and in a stroke of uncharacteristic souvenir accumulation I bought a knife in Yengisar. It was one of two souvenirs that I bought on the whole trip, the other being a Tibetan wall hanging of a legendary warrior driving his horse hard across the plain. This hangs in my parents' house awaiting reclamation. Of the knife's whereabouts, I know not.

It was a small knife, used mainly for paring, though I like to think it was made for taking negotiations up a notch in Chinese deal rooms lit by naked light bulbs. It had Chinese lettering on one side, and Uighur on the other, which my friend was able to read. It said, "Yengisar". Its handle was brass with small red green and yellow circular inlays. It was heavier than it looked. That's why I bought it. It felt solid.

There is a town in Western Australia that is famous for its thieves. It's called Margaret River. I left my knife on a picnic table there and left briefly to wash vegetables. When I came back my Yengisar knife was gone. Things come and go, this is a reality, and it's best not to get too attached to anything. I really liked the knife.

Thus began my year in the knife wilderness. I wandered from a crappy Australian knife from "Kathmandu", which is synonymous with horrible Australian outdoor store, to knives I found in dumpsters. I just needed something that looked cool and could slice a tomato and fit in my handlebar bag. If I could dangle it from my belt, huge bonus. The best I got was a hand-me-down Leatherman which was great.

When I arrived in Mexico, what with all the great leather and general cowboy apparel there, I thought finding a solid replacement knife would be easy. I went to market after market in town after town foolishly looking for a decent blade. All I could find though were loose switchblades, really expensive hunting knives, or cheap folding knives with plastic handles. I stuck with my Leatherman and generally forgot the whole ordeal. Sometimes, it's better to forget.

Then I came upon the hamlet of San Agustin.

Calling San Agustin a hamlet is overstating things. It's a taqueria connected to a ranch, which makes it an oasis in the desert that is Mexico Ruta 1 between La Paz and Ciudad Insurgentes. This is in Baja California Sur, where things get real. This is the first time in Mexico I've had to pack several days' worth of water and food. This is the first time I've really had to wild camp. So when a taqueria popped up after days of not seeing anything, like any reasonable person I stopped.

It was early, so I had coffee and chilaquiles. This made me hyperalert, and I started wandering around until I came across a display case that was taller than me. It was full of knives and saddles. They were beautiful. They had metal handles with bone inlays. They all had leather sheathes. Some even had ornamentation on the blades! By God what an oasis! After a year in the wilderness here I am delivered! Using the technique of taking deep breaths I calmed myself and bought a knife. It has some floral ornamentation on the blade which is curved and a metal handle with a bone or antler inlay. When I picked it up the man said, "ranchero". If he didn't have me at that he then told me that a guy makes these knives in the mountains yonder. I pulled out a wad of cash I don't even know how much and gave it to him and tried to regain my senses. Next thing I knew I was paring tomatoes at sundown on a ridge overlooking a great valley of cactus, holding a beautiful knife in my hand trying not to fall asleep before I cooked dinner.

I wish I had had the knife when I encountered my newest archenemy: the stingray.

Yesterday I was heading in on day six of my six day haul through Southern Baja California's Sierre la Gigante, driving hard against the wind as the road clung to the Sea of Cortez. I came across an hamubrgueseria and stopped in for a hamburguesa that I had been told were the best hamburgers in Baja. So I stopped and ate then went for a swim, a snorkel even, to see what I could see in the sea. I saw what I saw, which were a few tropical fish and lots of seaweed, and got out of the water. Not so fast! On my last step I was shot in the right Achilles by the venomous and dangerous barb of none other than Sting Ray. I threw a few punches then plunged my foot into really really really hot water. I did this for about an hour, and set off to ride to Mulege, the town where I am now and where I had planned a rest day. I made about 15km to the next village, and collapsed in a heap of pain under a palapa at Playa El Coyote, which is insanely beautiful and anyone driving down the Cortez Coast should camp there. I unfortunately lay there moaning until the pain subsided enough for me to hobble to the taqueria and ask for more hot water. They did not oblige. They did way better. They instead got on marine radio and radioed an ambulance, which happened to be across the street. I hobbled across the street and collapsed in a heap of pain. I got treatment there, which consisted of drawing out the remaining venom and some blood with a cool vacuum thing, and waiting around. The ambulance was free of charge, and is run by Patsi and Les who are volunteers who go around Baja California helping locals and foreigners with whatever ails them. After about an hour there, I felt a million times better, and set off into the now raging headwind for Mulege. Despite the odds, I made it and now I'm fine.

I'm only a couple weeks now from crossing the border into the US, which is crazy. I'm taking my time but I'm moving right along. I had two nights in a row camping on the Sea of Cortez, a few meters from the beach. Some of these photos here are taken from my tent, one's where I had lunch and they're all typical Baja California.

Living it up at the Hotel California

These photos belonged to the last post. When I was in an internet cafe writing that post, the strangest thing happened. I was slowly uploading the photos, and there was a progress bar indicating how much of the photo had uploaded. I was uploading one at a time because the computer was really slow. The progress bar would fill below the photo icon, starting at zero and inching up 10%, 20%, all the way to about 85%. Then the progress actually started going backwards. Down down down. I couldn't believe it. What cheaters have raged and bulled into this internet cafe? The progress hovered around 70% then made the final push to the end and indicated that the upload was complete. When I tried to publish them however there were no photos there. Half an hour and five pesos later, I gave up and went for some tacos. I am able to upload them now faster than a diving sea eagle. So enjoy this unprecedented spurt of photography. Jaco said once that a photo is worth hundreds of thousands of words.

Here I am in Todos Santos. Todos Santos is on the Pacific Ocean in Baja California Sur. When I told people I was going to Todos Santos, the normal reaction was this: Hey, whoa! That's where the Hotel California is, like the real one from the song! Indeed, I knew that already, and this is the reason I'm here. It was only a two day ride away from La Paz in the opposite direction, but I could I leave such a monument unseen? The REAL Hotel California, where "some dance to remember, some dance to forget". I HAD to see this "such a lovely place"!



Above is a picture I took yesterday at sunset of the Hotel.



And this picture is my antihotel. Here it is in absolutely all its glory in Guanajuato State in Central Mexico. Surrounded by nopales and under the yucca tree, this was a fine site. I had about a week of riding from Querétaro through the states of Guanajuato, Jalisco and Aguascalientes to Zacatecas. Vast open plains flanked by toothy mountains. That is, mountains that are sharp like teeth with the plains driving up like tongues in between. This the whale's mouth and me Jonah driving hard against the wind breathing in until finally I breach the mouth and am spit out in Zacatecas.



If you look closely into the foreground here you will see my victory celebration. A torta milanesa and Victoria with Negro Modelo for dessert.

And Zacatecas was good. Zacatecas was, in fact, my favorite place in Mexico. It's built on a pass in the mountains. All the streets on either side of the main one are steep and windy. The main street is straight and graded. The people who built Zacatecas were silver barons who cut overhead costs by employing slaves to dig for silver and gold and other necessary goods from their mine which they called "Eden". They turned this wealth into fancy details on their cathedrals and houses. Then Pancho Villa came and conquered and the city built a gondola spanning the two hills. It's a beautiful city. More importantly, there are amazing tacos and hardly any tourists. The one tourist who was in my room at the hostel was a man named Robert, from Sioux City, Iowa. Robert and I had a great night out at a cantina. There was the mariachi band and its shouting and sobbing and dancing fans; the old guys at the bar; the trucker who just stopped in; the couple in tears who sat in silence for most of the night then got up only to fall down onto the table and knock it over before being escorted out. The best part of the bar though was the 5 inch channel that ran all around the bar, which according to legend was so that people (men) could pee from their barstools without having to get up to interrupt the conversation. According to the bartender, this ended 20 years ago when by law they had to install a urinal.

How times do change.



I spent my first night at sea and here is the full moon taken from port astern to prove it. This was on the ferry from Mazatlán to La Paz, across the Sea of Cortez. Sleeping was the only hurdle. Many had warned me that the bedding situation on the ferry was a predicament. You have the option of getting a cabin or a seat, or of getting general admission. The nautical term for general admission is steerage, for all you naut vocab buffs. Jaco. Anyway, not being a chump, I bought the cheapest ticket in steerage. Then, being a chump, I left my sleeping bag and camping pad in my bike which was locked up and battened down in the hold. So all I had was my thin little shirt and my Shaquille O'Neal jersey under that. I was slightly worried about getting cold. Luckily, ships in the 21st century are powered by combustion engines, which produce a lot of heat. By the time the full moon had reached its apex, I was tired and ready to get a good night's sleep asea. I made my way to the engines abaft. To my delight, it was full of people (men) sleeping like emperors on the deck. Being humans, everyone had found a special and unique place to sleep. There were men sleeping on the bed-sized boxes that contained the life vests. There were men sleeping under the life boats where two beams came together in A-frames and were about a bed length apart. There was no one, however, sleeping completely exposed on the deck. I guess we like to feel as if our backs are protected when we sleep. Seeing this I decided everyone had their backs sufficiently protected to not try to rob them, and I found a place between an electrical box and a life vest box to sleep. I used my bag of dates and peanuts as a pillow. I woke up one sleep cycle later with a dry and acrid throat from my proximity to the engines, source of warmth, power, and mercy. I moved further aft to the bed-sized A-frame base under the life boat. One sleep cycle later, I awoke, cold and exposed. I moved afore and made my den simply aside a wall sure and solid. I awoke at dawn surrounded by cabin dwellers adeck to see the sunrise. I turned over onto my back, bent my knees to my chest, grabbed my date and peanut pillow and wrapped my arms around my knees, rolled backward along my curved spine then rolled forward and sprang up onto my feet. I was awake, and had spent the night at sea. I felt great. I sighted land before the watchman yelled out ¡Land Ho! and climbed to the second deck. I looked down and saw none other than a giant tortoise cruising south in the Sea of Cortez.

A day's ride from La Paz later, I am in Todos Santos. I couldn't afford a room at the Hotel California, so I called up my cousin and got his girlfriend's mother's email address. I emailed her and here I am, staying with the magnanimous Petra Hauptmann and her family in a beautiful house where I can see the Pacific stretching towards Hong Kong.

¡Hasta la Rica Torta Siempre!

Santa Rosa Jáuregui should be the town on every visitor to everyone who has ever even considered Mexico's mind. For some reason, there are only 14,400 inhabitants, it is not the seat of any sort of organization or office, nor is it represented by any professional sports team. Of all the housing booms in the world, it is shocking to me that there has not been one here.

I have started riding again! From Puerto Escondido, Alex and I took a 220km night bus over the twisty roads through the mountains to Oaxaca City. In Oaxaca City I ate as much as I could, and got on a plane at 6am after 24 hours in the city. I got on a plane because my mom broke her foot. Like any self-conscious only child, I went back to help her. I spoke to my parents before I left Oaxaca and they said they were going to get a home aid. I said, "don't do that, you have a son." She's fine now. I hope she doesn't resent that assessment. At the time of her casting she needed someone to drive her to and from work and to run errands. So this is what I did. Between the hours of 9 and 5, I had lots of catching up to do.

It had been two years exactly (crazy!) since I had left Berkeley, CA to roll around the world. With no prior intention of returning until this spring, no one was expecting me. I got to surprise a lot of people. The first was Haley sitting in a cafe. She had unknowingly notified me of her location, thanks to some sort of online communication technology. I cruised into the cafe where she was doing something important, and walked by her three times before I ordered coffee. I took my coffee and sat outside at a seat in plain view from her seat. She was so consumed in her important work that she didn't see me. So I walked in again - she was sitting right next to the door - and closed the door loudly or something to get her attention. Finally she looked up and found it weird that someone had just walked in and was staring at her. She stared back, then I winked one of my worst winks. She yelped softly and I was back. I explained everything and she put off her important stuff for later. Then we called a dear friend Gabe who happened to be sleeping in Haley's and his bed, and I crawled into bed with him. Gabe urged me closer. I explained everything and we resolved to play basketball the next day. During the basketball match, which had been organized with dear friend Tim, I was able give Tim a whale of a surprise, then proceeded to lose again and again at basketball. I had never surprised anyone, and it was fun. I'll be able to do it again when I get back for real.

I was in Berkeley for a month. I never struggled to occupy myself. I saw family, phoned people I hadn't spoken to for two years, ate pizza and chicken cheddar sandwiches. I changed my underwear daily! I hiked and hiked in Tilden and Redwood Park, and even discovered Rodeo Gulch with AC Delmer. The last time I saw AC was in Leon, Spain, which is where I did the first blog post for this trip. It was a vacation within a vacation. I was unemployed and not looking for work. It was a strange feeling, a sort of time outside of itself. All abstract aside, it was pure joy. I hope it was a sneak preview of what's to come when I eventually do return. That said, there's still a long way to go.

Which is why I found myself yesterday in Santa Rosa Jáuregui, which is famous for its carnitas. Holé Molé what fine carnitas. I had asked people in Querétaro (which is where I started this trip yesterday) what regional foods they´d recommend. Carnitas they said. I struggled mightily to contain my emotions and asked wherefore art ye best carnitas. Santa Rosa they said. I looked at my map and in a world lit by lightning Santa Rosa was about a lunchtime's ride from Querétaro. In a daze I set forth after a breakfast of chilaquiles and somehow I made it despite my emotional blackout to Santa Rosa. I gathered myself and looked for the first place to eat. I saw the first place and it was called Taquería Poo and looked for the second place to eat. It was called Ricas Tortas de Carnitas and managed to order a torta. My God! What joyous carnitas! Big hunks of pork! There were chicharrones on the side! What a place! I ate my chicharrones and they gave me more for free with fresh salsa that they had just taken out of the blender! If there is a world peace treaty to be signed, it will be done in Santa Rosa Jáuregui, 20km north of Santiago de Querétaro, Querétaro State, Mexico.

Emotions and the Events that Cause Them

When I arrived in San Cristobal de las Casas, I was sick from bad border hot dogs. Alex had taken the bus in because he had rent asunder his rear hub axle a few days earlier leaving Guatemala.

"Mistakes were made."

-Alex

San Cristobal de las Casas is a small town in the mountains of Chiapas. If you buy coffee from Chiapas, it's probably coming from within a day's mule from San Cristobal. There are colonial churches and nearby waterfalls. It's the capital of the Ejército Zapatista de Liberación Nacional (EZLN), aka los Zapatistas which to summarize is an agrarian revolutionary movement in Chiapas. Our grand plan in San Cristobal was for Alex to buy a new bike and leave within a few days. For these few days we would drink coffee, play chess and eat chocolate. It sounded like as good a plan as was ever made.

After a few explorations into buying a new bike in San Cristobal, Alex decided it wasn't really worth it to buy a bike there. They were all overpriced and there was nothing really in his size. So he decided to order a nice touring bike (Surly Long Haul Trucker) from a shop in the US, and get it shipped down to San Cristobal. This sounded like a fine plan to me, because I have a Surly and rode it a long way and think they're great machines. I was happy to stay in San Cristobal another week. So we set about ordering the bike, and descended into the Purgatory that is ordering a Surly and getting it shipped internationally.

There was delay after delay. Either it was an unacceptable form of payment or a statement from UPS saying we didn't have the customs form that we had. Or maybe it was that our box was 1 inch too big and we'd have to pay an extra $1,000. So we waited and waited and did all we could think of to get this bike, and quickly ran out of things to do in San Cristobal.

While this was all happening, my own bike was stolen, along with all my stuff that was on it.

Well, not all my stuff. Most of it. It was stolen from inside the hostel where we were. In hindsight I should have locked it up. It's just that after hundreds of times leaving it unlocked, I felt that inside a locked hostel was a safe place to leave it unlocked. I left the bags on it because for some strange reason I thought that the bags would be a deterrent of sorts to thieves, that the bags would make it too complicated to steal or something. The result being that the thieves got my bags and everything in them. They got my bike shoes that I had had since I was 17, the finest Italian leather that endured two rigorous seasons of mountain bike racing, a tour across America, four more years of hard mountain biking, and a tour across Eurasia as well as bits of Australia (I recommend these as well, Sidi Dominator II is the model). They got my camera, which is why there are no photos for this post and why there will probably be no more photos on this blog. Purists rejoice. They got my waterproof binoculars and my camping pots that have been on every trip I have. They got all the clothes I had save the ones I was wearing. They got foreign currency from Georgia to Hong Kong. I can only hope they try to spend my Uzbek Som in a little tienda for some cheetos or something. What they missed were my passport and bank card, as well as my water filter which I had inexplicably removed. I also held on to my coffee maker, but they got my coffee. They didn't get my baseball cards that I like to hand to people who are nice to me. They didn't get my journal. The list goes on and on, but the most important, treasured object they got was my bike. They got my bike.

Devastation.

And there we were in San Cristobal.

The standard hostel conversations were pathetic:

Where are you heading next?

Well, we're traveling on bikes but-

You're traveling on bikes? Wow! How many miles do you go a day?

Well, actually, we don't have any bikes right now: His broke to smithereens in Guatemala and mine was stolen.

Oh wow that sucks, good luck with all that.

Despair, and the wait continued for Alex's bike to arrive. I resolved to stay with Alex until his bike arrived, then take a bus to Mexico City where I would buy a new bike and ride back to my parents' house from there. I was close to buying a plane ticket from Mexico City, but after a few hours and much tactful encouragement from Alex's part, I decided that the worst I could do was let these thieves rob me of the triumph that returning on a bicycle would give me. I can't say how many times I've pictured myself riding those last familiar turns into the house I grew up in after so many unfamiliar turns. This is something I'm glad I can still look forward to.

During this wait, we realized that we didn't have to get the bike shipped to San Cristobal. We could get it shipped to Queretaro, where Alex lived for some months and which is much closer to our destination. Like a Colin Kaepernick read, we changed the shipping address, and were liberated from the prison of waiting for UPS. Now, the bike would be waiting for us! This was three days before the Super Bowl, so we decided to make post-Super Bowl Monday our date of departure. I've never wasted more time nor money reading about the Super Bowl in the two bikeless weeks leading up to it. Finally when it came I had my bets made, and I sat down amongst chicharrones and caguamas to enjoy. And enjoy it I did until the final San Francisco drive. But it was a great game, and the fact that we were leaving the next day filled me with joy, and I set out with Alex to buy him some mezcal to commemorate our time in San Cristobal. We went to one bar, then decided to go to La Revolucion, because apparently there's dancing there. On Sunday night there was no dancing, but I was in a great mood anyway, so when Alex announced he was hungry and was going to eat a torta on his way back, I said, "cool, I'm gonna stay another half hour or so". That I did, and when I paid and walked out I decided to take the longer road around to the hostel, the one which follows a pedestrian street.

Strolling. Full of anticipation for the next day, when we would arrive in Puerto Escondido and would swim in the mighty Pacific Ocean. A few steps later my churning mind was full of despair at my lost bike and gear, and at the San Francisco loss. It was mired in these ruts of lament and woe when I saw to my left a man standing next to no bike other than my own!

I rushed the middle-aged, well-dressed mountebank and pushed him aside, demanding where he had gotten this bike and where my things were. He said he didn't know where my things were, but that he could show me the person who had sold the bike to him. I agreed and we walked down the pedestrian street, my bike in MY hand. We passed by the tortaria where Alex should have been, so I popped in to look for him but he wasn't there. I was on my own. We approached another well-dressed, middle-aged man who was sitting on a bench in San Cristobal's gorgeous Parque Central. I asked him the same questions, and he responded by saying I could have the bike for 1,000 pesos ($78.5). I told the cabron to go fuck himself, at which point a policeman showed up and the two scattered off. After some bizarre, irrelevant questions from the policeman I left, and rode my bike home.

I have never felt such joy for a material object.

The next day we loaded our things on the bus for Puerto Escondido. Alex's bike is on the way to Queretaro, it's almost sunset and it's time to go bodysurfing.

3 Armpits and 2 Bad Hotdogs

Alex and I split from Amaury as he continues south to Tierra del Fuego or something crazy.

A few days later, I regretfully ate two hotdogs at the border trying to get rid of my Guatemalan money. Obviously, I got sick, but the worst part was that I supported the economy of one of the three true armpits of the world. There aren't many towns that come to mind that are this bad, but here are a few:

1. Shkodra, or Shkodër, or whatever you want. It's so bad they name it multiple things so you think you're going somewhere else. Actually I think it has to do with whether the town is a direct object or not. This is the first town in Albania if you're crossing the border from Montenegro. Albania is otherwise fantastic, and a great place to travel (check out what Jaco has to say about it), but this point of entry is really a dump. Literally, there's garbage smoking from every angle. Shkodra is the land of the cabbie scam, the only bad börek in the Balkans, giant holes in the sidewalks and dogs making love all over the place. The first time I went there I was intercepted by some Catholic missionaries at the border who were terrified for my safety and demanded that I slept at their compound. The place is known for blood feuds. The second time I went some kids tried to take my bike helmet while laughing but gave it back after I panicked and yelled 'microbi!!' at them and pointed at the helmet and my hair. Why did I go back? Because Albania is full of incredible hospitality, interesting folks with interesting stories, great food, cranking landscapes and limitless eagles and aeries. It's also got the best coffee in Europe, no joke.

2. Sanche. Sanche is an agricutural town in the desert in Xinjiang, China, on the outskirts of which Jaco and I spent one night. First we were denied a place to put our tent several times, so we went to a teahouse to ask if we could sleep there. This is a normal thing to do in Central Asia. They have these massive platforms covered in pillows on which people commonly dine and then sleep. We were granted permission, and ordered some shashlik, which is fairly tasty Uighur grilled meat. People stared at us the whole time. When we would greet people in their native tongue (it's not that hard: asalaam alaykum) they would 90% of the time keep staring at us or just laugh. But we were used to this. What we were not used to was the sight upon our waking. When I woke up, at around 6am to Chinese school sirens and announcements blaring their daily cockadoodledoo of propaganda, there were three or four schoolchildren staring at me. I got up and walked around for a bit looking for bread (there was none in this town) and returned maybe a half hour later to find sleeping Jaco surrounded by a large conference of Uighurs young and old. There were 63 of them to be exact, half being adults, staring at Jaco while he slept. When he awoke, he naturally greeted them and said good morning, and they naturally didn't return his greeting. He dressed to much spectacle and we got out of Sanche, and Xinjiang, as quickly as we could.

3. This goddam towm in Guatemala on the border of Mexico which I couldn't find a name for. It's the last place where the Pan-American highway crosses the Seleguá river. Coming in from the East, you pass by a bunch of guys selling hotdogs. I asked how far the border was and they told me 4km. So I decided this was the place to get rid of my quetzales. I bought a couple hotdogs and ate them while people stared at me and didn't return my greetings. This generally makes me feel uneasy and unwelcome. People laughed and whispered when I asked a terrified storekeeper if he had beans in a can. He didn't. Then I left, and saw some tacos for sale, and decided to spend the absolute last of my quetzales on tacos. I was hungry. Some cabbie asks me if I needed a ride. No thanks. He insists that it'll be cheap. No thanks, I like my bike. He leaves me for a bit, then returns. He's screaming at me with a big, childish frown on his face. It looks like he's acting. He tells me to look at his van. It appears my guitar has smudged it a bit as it wiped against it as I passed. He acts really upset and instantly a massive crowd forms, maybe 50 people. Where did they all come from? And with all these people aren't there some beans in a can? Well, the driver keeps yelling that I've destroyed his car and I keep asking him what I can do. He spits on his hand and wipes at the smudge. It starts coming off and I urge him to continue but he doesn't. He looks to the sky and makes groanings of lament. The crowd loves this. I offer him my three remaining quetzales ($0.35), he declines. I offer him a taco, he declines. I ask him again what I can do and he mimes towards the car. I offer him everything I have of possible value again, and he declines. I'm sick of this game, so I leave as he's shouting, 'Dios!' and the crowd is laughing. I eat my tacos in a corner of the taqueria and go. Turns out there's another 35km or so to the border. Lying hotdogmen. This is how towns suck in my book.

From this godforsaken pit I descended and descended and descended to the border with Mexico then even more into Mexico. I spent the night warm in a cornfield. Then I hit another death climb. This one was crazy. Lumps forming on lumps rising rising rising out of the valley. It looked like a pile of little hills, except it continued for 40km or so and gained enough elevation for it to be really cold again. Every turn looked like a pass, but there never really was a pass. I rode until after Comitan, heading for San Cristóbal de las Casas, but unfortunately didn't make. The damn hotdogs caused some seriously curious bowel movements. I took the bus the remaining 73km of death climb into San Cristóbal, which is where I am now.

It's a fine town, and here we will wait for Alex has ordered a new bike after his rear hub axle snapped in two (whoa!). I ordered a new front rack as well after mine snapped in two (whoa!). Mine got welded back together though and it looks pretty cool.

And we'll wait until Sunday when a certain Conference Football Championship game will be played by a certain SF 49ers team. Like eagles with jetpacks, soar on!